TweetFollow Us on Twitter

Swaine Manor: Bludger and Larrikin Attend a Press Conference

Volume Number: 27
Issue Number: 01
Column Tag: Swaine Manor

Swaine Manor: Bludger and Larrikin Attend a Press Conference

...and say all the snarky things you'd say if you were there

by Michael Swaine

My friends Tom Bludger and Art Larrikin claim that they recently attended a press conference on Microsoft's presence at the upcoming Consumer Electronics Show, and to prove it they sent me this annotated transcript of the highlights of the conference. By "highlights" I see that they mean their own running commentary on the presentation. Frankly, I doubt that the whole thing ever happened. Nevertheless...

...we join the press conference already in progress. And already in italics.

Microsoft has a long history in the tablet computing market...

Bludger: Wow, are you really sure you want to call attention to that history, Microsoft?

Larrikin: Give 'em credit for perseverance: they're going to keep trying until somebody buys one.

A decade before the Apple iPad, Microsoft founder and former chief executive Bill Gates introduced the concept of a tablet computer, offering all the capabilities of a computer in a new form factor.

Bludger: So I guess I just imagined that Go Corporation introduced the tablet computer a decade before that.

Larrikin: That's why we go to press conferences. You learn something every time.

Bludger: So true. Thanks, Microsoft, for explaining to us who Bill Gates is.

Next month at CES, Microsoft will showcase a number of slate devices from companies like Dell and Samsung that will give Apple's iPad some competition.

Larrikin: I love a good fantasy.

Bludger: Wait, are they tablets or slates? I don't know whether my finger is supposed to be a pencil or a piece of chalk.

Larrikin: If they'd let us bring alcohol into these events we could take a drink every time they mention Apple.

Microsoft's CEO Steve Ballmer will take the stage to present one or more of these devices.

Bludger: Prepare to be screamed at.

The Samsung slate will be similar to the Apple iPad in size and shape, but not as thin...

Larrikin: And not as pretty.

Bludger: Well, they're clearly addressing a niche that Apple has overlooked.

Larrikin: People who love fat, ugly devices.

Bludger: I know I'm going to run right out and buy one.

Another innovation is the slick keyboard that slides out of the device when it is in landscape orientation.

Bludger: Great, because moving parts that can get jammed or broken are soooo 2011.

Larrikin: Wait, why is the keyboard "slick?" Won't that make it hard to type on?

Bludger: I think it must be greased to slide faster.

The slate will have two operating environments: one for landscape orientation and one for portrait orientation.

Larrikin: When will this second-class status end? I tell you a slate has the same rights regardless of its orientation.

Bludger: No, listen, I think this means you can turn Windows off just by turning the device on its side.

Larrikin: Big deal. I can do that with my Fujitsu laptop if I flip it hard enough.

Microsoft is confident that there is a large market of business people who want to use slate devices to run Word, Excel, and PowerPoint.

Larrikin: What incredibly innovative thinking.

Bludger: Microsoft is confident that there is a large market of people whose employers buy their computers and software for them and who will use whatever they are paid to use.

Larrikin: And the Gartner Group has the numbers to prove it.

Microsoft envisions a large market of applications written for these slates. Unlike Apple, Microsoft will not launch an app store to sell these applications, but will highlight them in a search interface on the slate.

Bludger: Translation: Microsoft will sell search results and placement to app developers.

Larrikin: Ooh. I was just going to say that.


Michael Swaine is the former editor-in-chief of Dr. Dobb's Journal (http://www.ddj.com) and current editor of PragPub (http:// www.pragprog.com/magazine), the electronic magazine for pragmatic programmers. You can reach him at mike@swaine.com.

 

Community Search:
MacTech Search:

Software Updates via MacUpdate

5 slither.io mash-ups we'd love to...
If there's one thing that slither.io has proved, it's that the addictive gameplay of Agar.io can be transplanted onto basically anything and it will still be good fun. It wouldn't be surprising if we saw other developers jumping on the bandwagon,... | Read more »
How to navigate the terrain in Sky Charm...
Sky Charms is a whimsical match-'em up adventure that uses creative level design to really ramp up the difficulty. [Read more] | Read more »
Victorious Knight (Games)
Victorious Knight 1.3 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $1.99, Version: 1.3 (iTunes) Description: New challenges awaits you! Experience fresh RPG experience with a unique combat mechanic, packed with high quality 3D... | Read more »
Agent Gumball - Roguelike Spy Game (Gam...
Agent Gumball - Roguelike Spy Game 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $2.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: Someone’s been spying on Gumball. What the what?! Two can play at that game! GO UNDERCOVERSneak past enemy... | Read more »
Runaway Toad (Games)
Runaway Toad 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $2.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: It ain’t easy bein’ green! Tap, hold, and swipe to help Toad hop to safety in this gorgeous new action game from the creators of... | Read more »
PsyCard (Games)
PsyCard 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $1.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: From the makers och Card City Nights, Progress To 100 and Ittle Dew PSYCARD is a minesweeper-like game set in a cozy cyberpunk... | Read more »
Sago Mini Robot Party (Education)
Sago Mini Robot Party 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Education Price: $2.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: -- Children's Technology Review Editor's Choice -- | Read more »
How to get a high score in every level o...
Sky Charms is an adorable match three puzzler that provides a decent challenge thanks to its creative level design. It regularly presents something new, forcing you to think on your feet. [Read more] | Read more »
Apestorm: Full Bananas (Games)
Apestorm: Full Bananas 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: ***Launch sale – limited time only!*** Fugitive Apes have taken to the skies in search of revenge after humans have... | Read more »
How to create bigger words in Spellspire
Words have power. At least they do in Spellspire,a game about blasting out magical attacks by making words out of a jumble of letters. And it's a lot of fun. But if you want to be the best, you're going to have to think tactically when you start... | Read more »

Price Scanner via MacPrices.net

Aleratec Releases Mac Software Upgrade for 1...
California based Aleratec Inc., designer, developer and manufacturer of Portable Device Management (PDM) charge/sync products for mobile devices and professional-grade duplicators for hard disk... Read more
Sale! Amazon offers 27-inch iMac, 13-inch 2.9...
Amazon has the 27″ 3.2GHz 5K iMac and the 13″ 3.9GHz Retina MacBook Pro on sale for $300 off MSRP, each including free shipping, for a limited time: - 27″ 3.2GHz/1TB HD 5K iMac (model MK462LL/A): $... Read more
Apple refurbished 13-inch Retina MacBook Pros...
Apple has Certified Refurbished 13″ Retina MacBook Pros available for up to $270 off the cost of new models. An Apple one-year warranty is included with each model, and shipping is free: - 13″ 2.7GHz... Read more
13-inch 2.7GHz/128GB Retina MacBook Pro on sa...
Take $200 off MSRP on the price of a new 13″ 2.7GHz/128GB Retina MacBook Pro (model MF839LL/A) at Amazon. Shipping is free: - 13″ 2.7GHz/128GB Retina MacBook Pro: $1099.99 $200 off MSRP Act now if... Read more
Apple refurbished clearance 15-inch Retina Ma...
Apple has Certified Refurbished 2014 15″ 2.2GHz Retina MacBook Pros available for $1609, $390 off original MSRP. Apple’s one-year warranty is included, and shipping is free. They have refurbished 15... Read more
27-inch 5K iMacs on sale for up to $150 off M...
B&H Photo has 27″ 5K iMacs on sale for up to $150 off MSRP including free shipping plus NY sales tax only: - 27″ 3.3GHz iMac 5K: $2199 $100 off MSRP - 27″ 3.2GHz/1TB Fusion iMac 5K: $1849.99 $150... Read more
What Does The Refreshed 12-Inch MacBook Tell...
A lot of commentators are complaining that Apple’s update of the 12-Inch MacBook last week is a bit of a damp squib. I don’t know what they were expecting, since it would be very unlike Apple to do a... Read more
Free Wittify Keyboard Now Available On The Ap...
A team of Harvard Business School students have announced that the Wittify Keyboard, a new app utility for iOS devices, is now available on the Apple App Store. The Wittify keyboard and application... Read more
Apple Reports First Year-Over-Year Quarterly...
Apple on TUesday announced financial results for its fiscal 2016 second quarter ending March 26, 2016. The Company posted quarterly revenue of $50.6 billion and quarterly net income of $10.5 billion... Read more
13-inch 2.7GHz Retina MacBook Pros on sale fo...
Take $130-$150 off MSRP on the price of a new 13″ 2.7GHz Retina MacBook Pro at Amazon. Shipping is free: - 13″ 2.7GHz/128GB Retina MacBook Pro: $1169 $130 off MSRP - 13″ 2.7GHz/256GB Retina MacBook... Read more

Jobs Board

*Apple* Retail - Multiple Positions - Apple,...
Job Description: Sales Specialist - Retail Customer Service and Sales Transform Apple Store visitors into loyal Apple customers. When customers enter the store, Read more
*Apple* Solutions Consultant - Apple (United...
# Apple Solutions Consultant Job Number: 48260200 Phoenix, Arizona, United States Posted: Apr. 22, 2016 Weekly Hours: 40.00 **Job Summary** As an Apple Solutions Read more
Restaurant Manager (Neighborhood Captain) - A...
…in every aspect of daily operation. WHY YOU'LL LIKE IT: You'll be the Big Apple . You'll solve problems. You'll get to show your ability to handle the stress and Read more
Simply Mac *Apple* Specialist- Service Repa...
Simply Mac is the largest premier retailer of Apple products in the nation. In order to support our growing customer base, we are currently looking for a driven Read more
*Apple* Retail - Multiple Positions - Apple,...
Job Description: Sales Specialist - Retail Customer Service and Sales Transform Apple Store visitors into loyal Apple customers. When customers enter the store, Read more
All contents are Copyright 1984-2011 by Xplain Corporation. All rights reserved. Theme designed by Icreon.