TweetFollow Us on Twitter

Swaine Manor: Bludger and Larrikin Attend a Press Conference

Volume Number: 27
Issue Number: 01
Column Tag: Swaine Manor

Swaine Manor: Bludger and Larrikin Attend a Press Conference

...and say all the snarky things you'd say if you were there

by Michael Swaine

My friends Tom Bludger and Art Larrikin claim that they recently attended a press conference on Microsoft's presence at the upcoming Consumer Electronics Show, and to prove it they sent me this annotated transcript of the highlights of the conference. By "highlights" I see that they mean their own running commentary on the presentation. Frankly, I doubt that the whole thing ever happened. Nevertheless...

...we join the press conference already in progress. And already in italics.

Microsoft has a long history in the tablet computing market...

Bludger: Wow, are you really sure you want to call attention to that history, Microsoft?

Larrikin: Give 'em credit for perseverance: they're going to keep trying until somebody buys one.

A decade before the Apple iPad, Microsoft founder and former chief executive Bill Gates introduced the concept of a tablet computer, offering all the capabilities of a computer in a new form factor.

Bludger: So I guess I just imagined that Go Corporation introduced the tablet computer a decade before that.

Larrikin: That's why we go to press conferences. You learn something every time.

Bludger: So true. Thanks, Microsoft, for explaining to us who Bill Gates is.

Next month at CES, Microsoft will showcase a number of slate devices from companies like Dell and Samsung that will give Apple's iPad some competition.

Larrikin: I love a good fantasy.

Bludger: Wait, are they tablets or slates? I don't know whether my finger is supposed to be a pencil or a piece of chalk.

Larrikin: If they'd let us bring alcohol into these events we could take a drink every time they mention Apple.

Microsoft's CEO Steve Ballmer will take the stage to present one or more of these devices.

Bludger: Prepare to be screamed at.

The Samsung slate will be similar to the Apple iPad in size and shape, but not as thin...

Larrikin: And not as pretty.

Bludger: Well, they're clearly addressing a niche that Apple has overlooked.

Larrikin: People who love fat, ugly devices.

Bludger: I know I'm going to run right out and buy one.

Another innovation is the slick keyboard that slides out of the device when it is in landscape orientation.

Bludger: Great, because moving parts that can get jammed or broken are soooo 2011.

Larrikin: Wait, why is the keyboard "slick?" Won't that make it hard to type on?

Bludger: I think it must be greased to slide faster.

The slate will have two operating environments: one for landscape orientation and one for portrait orientation.

Larrikin: When will this second-class status end? I tell you a slate has the same rights regardless of its orientation.

Bludger: No, listen, I think this means you can turn Windows off just by turning the device on its side.

Larrikin: Big deal. I can do that with my Fujitsu laptop if I flip it hard enough.

Microsoft is confident that there is a large market of business people who want to use slate devices to run Word, Excel, and PowerPoint.

Larrikin: What incredibly innovative thinking.

Bludger: Microsoft is confident that there is a large market of people whose employers buy their computers and software for them and who will use whatever they are paid to use.

Larrikin: And the Gartner Group has the numbers to prove it.

Microsoft envisions a large market of applications written for these slates. Unlike Apple, Microsoft will not launch an app store to sell these applications, but will highlight them in a search interface on the slate.

Bludger: Translation: Microsoft will sell search results and placement to app developers.

Larrikin: Ooh. I was just going to say that.


Michael Swaine is the former editor-in-chief of Dr. Dobb's Journal (http://www.ddj.com) and current editor of PragPub (http:// www.pragprog.com/magazine), the electronic magazine for pragmatic programmers. You can reach him at mike@swaine.com.

 

Community Search:
MacTech Search:

Software Updates via MacUpdate

Kill the Plumber World guide - How to ou...
You already know how to hop around like Mario, but do you know how to defeat him? Those are your marching orders in Kill the Plumber, and it's not always as easy as it looks. Here are some tips to get you started. This is not a seasoned platform... | Read more »
Planar Conquest (Games)
Planar Conquest 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $12.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: IMPORTANT: Planar Conquest is compatible only with iPad 3 & newer devices, iPhone 5 & newer. It’s NOT compatible with... | Read more »
We talk to Cheetah Mobile about its plan...
Piano Tiles 2 is a fast-paced rhythm action high score chaser out now on iOS and Android. You have to tap a series of black tiles that appear on the screen in time to the music, being careful not to accidentally hit anywhere else. Do that and it's... | Read more »
Ultimate Briefcase guide - How to dodge...
Ultimate Briefcase is a simple but tricky game that’s highly dependent on how fast you can react. We can still offer you a few tips and tricks on how to survive though. Guess what? That’s exactly what we’re going to do now. Take it easy [Read more... | Read more »
SoundPrism Link Edition (Music)
SoundPrism Link Edition 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Music Price: $4.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: ***Introductory price for a the first few days after launch - if you're reading this, get it while it's fresh out of... | Read more »
Pre-register now for hack and slasher An...
Fincon, which won Facebook's Studio to Watch award in 2015, has announced that pre-registration is now open for the massive 3.0 update for its award-winning hack and slasher Angel Stone. Angel Stone is a post-apocalyptic action RPG in which the... | Read more »
Google has named Piano Tiles 2 as its Be...
Google has named Piano Tiles 2, which launched back in August last year, as its Best Game of 2015. If you're yet to play it, now's a good time to do so. It's a sequel to the hugely successful viral hit Piano Tiles (Don't Tap the White Tile) but... | Read more »
Sago Mini Trucks and Diggers (Education...
Sago Mini Trucks and Diggers 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Education Price: $2.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: Drive a dump truck with Rosie the hamster! Pile dirt high and dig deep in the ground with diggers, cranes and... | Read more »
Day One 2 Journal + Notes (Lifestyle)
Day One 2 Journal + Notes 2.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Lifestyle Price: $4.99, Version: 2.0 (iTunes) Description: **New Release Sale—50% off for a Limited Time!** Capture life as you live it. From once-in-a-lifetime events to... | Read more »
Pull My Tongue (Games)
Pull My Tongue 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: Meet Greg. A hungry little chameleon that loves popcorn! Help feed Greg by pulling his tongue through a series of fun puzzles... | Read more »

Price Scanner via MacPrices.net

12-inch 1.2GHz Retina MacBooks on sale for up...
B&H Photo has 12″ 1.2GHz Retina MacBooks on sale for $180 off MSRP. Shipping is free, and B&H charges NY tax only: - 12″ 1.2GHz Gray Retina MacBook: $1499 $100 off MSRP - 12″ 1.2GHz Silver... Read more
12-inch 1.1GHz Gray Retina MacBook on sale fo...
B&H Photo has the 12″ 1.1GHz Gray Retina MacBook on sale for $1199 including free shipping plus NY sales tax only. Their price is $100 off MSRP, and it’s the lowest price available for this model... Read more
Apple now offering full line of Certified Ref...
Apple now has a full line of Certified Refurbished 2015 21″ & 27″ iMacs available for up to $350 off MSRP. Apple’s one-year warranty is standard, and shipping is free. The following models are... Read more
Free GUI Speedometer – The Ultimate Digital D...
Miami, Florida based RMKapps has announced the official release of GUI Speedometer 1.0, their digital dashboard display developed for iOS devices. GUI Speedometer allows users to track their precise... Read more
FutureCalc: Ergonomic iOS Calculator App For...
London, United Kingdom based Independent software developer and entrepreneur, Hovik Melikyan has announced the release and immediate availability of FutureCalc 1.0, his new ergonomic calculator app... Read more
Save up to $600 with Apple refurbished Mac Pr...
Apple has Certified Refurbished Mac Pros available for up to $600 off the cost of new models. An Apple one-year warranty is included with each Mac Pro, and shipping is free. The following... Read more
Apple’s ‘Next Big Thing’ Drought And Mature M...
Apple’s first fiscal quarter 2016 financial results yielded both good news and bad news. In the positive column, Apple made another boatload of money, reporting record quarterly revenue of $75.9... Read more
12-inch 1.1GHz Gray Retina MacBook on sale fo...
Woodwind & Brasswind has the 12″ 1.1GHz Gray Retina MacBook on sale for $1199.99 including free shipping. Their price is $100 off MSRP, and it’s the lowest price available for this model. Read more
Mac minis on sale for $50-$70 off MSRP
B&H Photo has Mac minis on sale for up to $70 off MSRP including free shipping plus NY sales tax only: - 1.4GHz Mac mini: $449.99 $50 off MSRP - 2.6GHz Mac mini: $649.99 $50 off MSRP - 2.8GHz Mac... Read more
Save $140-$180 with Apple refurbished 2015 Ma...
Apple has Certified Refurbished 2015 11″ and 13″ MacBook Airs (the latest models), available for up to $180 off the cost of new models. An Apple one-year warranty is included with each MacBook, and... Read more

Jobs Board

Restaurant Manager - Apple Gilroy Inc./Apple...
…in every aspect of daily operation. WHY YOU'LL LIKE IT: You'll be the Big Apple . You'll solve problems. You'll get to show your ability to handle the stress and Read more
Simply Mac *Apple* Specialist- Service Repa...
Simply Mac is the largest premier retailer of Apple products in the nation. In order to support our growing customer base, we are currently looking for a driven Read more
*Apple* IOS / OS X Level 3 Support Analyst -...
Needed: Apple Support Analyst (OS X / IOS); 50k-60k/yr +…Horizon Technology Partners has an immediate opening for an Apple IOS / OS X LEVEL 3 Support Analyst. Your Read more
*Apple* - Software QA Manager - Apple Inc. (...
Changing the world is all in a day's work at Apple . If you love innovation, here's your chance to make a career of it. You'll work hard. But the job comes with more than Read more
Restaurant Manager - Apple Gilroy Inc./Apple...
…in every aspect of daily operation. WHY YOU'LL LIKE IT: You'll be the Big Apple . You'll solve problems. You'll get to show your ability to handle the stress and Read more
All contents are Copyright 1984-2011 by Xplain Corporation. All rights reserved. Theme designed by Icreon.