TweetFollow Us on Twitter

Swaine Manor: Bludger and Larrikin Attend a Press Conference

Volume Number: 27
Issue Number: 01
Column Tag: Swaine Manor

Swaine Manor: Bludger and Larrikin Attend a Press Conference

...and say all the snarky things you'd say if you were there

by Michael Swaine

My friends Tom Bludger and Art Larrikin claim that they recently attended a press conference on Microsoft's presence at the upcoming Consumer Electronics Show, and to prove it they sent me this annotated transcript of the highlights of the conference. By "highlights" I see that they mean their own running commentary on the presentation. Frankly, I doubt that the whole thing ever happened. Nevertheless...

...we join the press conference already in progress. And already in italics.

Microsoft has a long history in the tablet computing market...

Bludger: Wow, are you really sure you want to call attention to that history, Microsoft?

Larrikin: Give 'em credit for perseverance: they're going to keep trying until somebody buys one.

A decade before the Apple iPad, Microsoft founder and former chief executive Bill Gates introduced the concept of a tablet computer, offering all the capabilities of a computer in a new form factor.

Bludger: So I guess I just imagined that Go Corporation introduced the tablet computer a decade before that.

Larrikin: That's why we go to press conferences. You learn something every time.

Bludger: So true. Thanks, Microsoft, for explaining to us who Bill Gates is.

Next month at CES, Microsoft will showcase a number of slate devices from companies like Dell and Samsung that will give Apple's iPad some competition.

Larrikin: I love a good fantasy.

Bludger: Wait, are they tablets or slates? I don't know whether my finger is supposed to be a pencil or a piece of chalk.

Larrikin: If they'd let us bring alcohol into these events we could take a drink every time they mention Apple.

Microsoft's CEO Steve Ballmer will take the stage to present one or more of these devices.

Bludger: Prepare to be screamed at.

The Samsung slate will be similar to the Apple iPad in size and shape, but not as thin...

Larrikin: And not as pretty.

Bludger: Well, they're clearly addressing a niche that Apple has overlooked.

Larrikin: People who love fat, ugly devices.

Bludger: I know I'm going to run right out and buy one.

Another innovation is the slick keyboard that slides out of the device when it is in landscape orientation.

Bludger: Great, because moving parts that can get jammed or broken are soooo 2011.

Larrikin: Wait, why is the keyboard "slick?" Won't that make it hard to type on?

Bludger: I think it must be greased to slide faster.

The slate will have two operating environments: one for landscape orientation and one for portrait orientation.

Larrikin: When will this second-class status end? I tell you a slate has the same rights regardless of its orientation.

Bludger: No, listen, I think this means you can turn Windows off just by turning the device on its side.

Larrikin: Big deal. I can do that with my Fujitsu laptop if I flip it hard enough.

Microsoft is confident that there is a large market of business people who want to use slate devices to run Word, Excel, and PowerPoint.

Larrikin: What incredibly innovative thinking.

Bludger: Microsoft is confident that there is a large market of people whose employers buy their computers and software for them and who will use whatever they are paid to use.

Larrikin: And the Gartner Group has the numbers to prove it.

Microsoft envisions a large market of applications written for these slates. Unlike Apple, Microsoft will not launch an app store to sell these applications, but will highlight them in a search interface on the slate.

Bludger: Translation: Microsoft will sell search results and placement to app developers.

Larrikin: Ooh. I was just going to say that.


Michael Swaine is the former editor-in-chief of Dr. Dobb's Journal (http://www.ddj.com) and current editor of PragPub (http:// www.pragprog.com/magazine), the electronic magazine for pragmatic programmers. You can reach him at mike@swaine.com.

 

Community Search:
MacTech Search:

Software Updates via MacUpdate

Dash 3.0.2 - Instant search and offline...
Dash is an API Documentation Browser and Code Snippet Manager. Dash helps you store snippets of code, as well as instantly search and browse documentation for almost any API you might use (for a full... Read more
FontExplorer X Pro 5.0 - Font management...
FontExplorer X Pro is optimized for professional use; it's the solution that gives you the power you need to manage all your fonts. Now you can more easily manage, activate and organize your... Read more
Typinator 6.6 - Speedy and reliable text...
Typinator turbo-charges your typing productivity. Type a little. Typinator does the rest. We've all faced projects that require repetitive typing tasks. With Typinator, you can store commonly used... Read more
Arq 4.12.1 - Online backup to Google Dri...
Arq is super-easy online backup for the Mac. Back up to your own Google Drive storage (15GB free storage), your own Amazon Glacier ($.01/GB per month storage) or S3, or any SFTP server. Arq backs up... Read more
Gutenprint 5.2.11-pre1 - Quality drivers...
Gutenprint is a suite of printer drivers that may be used with most common UNIX print spooling systems, including CUPS, lpr, LPRng, or others. Gutenprint currently supports over 2000 printer models.... Read more
Dropbox 3.6.8 - Cloud backup and synchro...
Dropbox is an application that creates a special Finder folder that automatically syncs online and between your computers. It allows you to both backup files and keep them up-to-date between systems... Read more
Evernote 6.0.15 - Create searchable note...
Evernote allows you to easily capture information in any environment using whatever device or platform you find most convenient, and makes this information accessible and searchable at anytime, from... Read more
MacUpdate Desktop 6.0.7 - Search and ins...
MacUpdate Desktop 6 brings seamless 1-click installs and version updates to your Mac. With a free MacUpdate account and MacUpdate Desktop 6, Mac users can now install almost any Mac app on macupdate.... Read more
Freeway Pro 7.0.4 - Drag-and-drop Web de...
Freeway Pro lets you design and build sophisticated responsive websites code free. With its user-oriented drag-and-drop interface, Freeway Pro helps you piece together the website of your dreams. Add... Read more
VueScan 9.5.18 - Scanner software with a...
VueScan is a scanning program that works with most high-quality flatbed and film scanners to produce scans that have excellent color fidelity and color balance. VueScan is easy to use, and has... Read more

This Week at 148Apps:June 22-26, 2015
June's Summer Journey Continues With 148Apps How do you know what apps are worth your time and money? Just look to the review team at 148Apps. We sort through the chaos and find the apps you're looking for. The ones we love become Editor’s Choice,... | Read more »
LEGO® Minifigures Online (Games)
LEGO® Minifigures Online 1.0.1 Device: iOS iPhone Category: Games Price: $4.99, Version: 1.0.1 (iTunes) Description: | Read more »
World of Tanks Blitz celebrates its firs...
Today marks the first anniversary of the launch of World of Tanks Blitz, the mobile version of the PC tank battler, World of Tanks. World of Tanks Blitz launched on iOS and Android on June 26th last year and to celebrate, Wargaming is giving all... | Read more »
Heroes and Castles 2 Has its Own Standal...
Heroes and Castles 2 is a third-person castle defense game from the same team behind Block Fortress and Bug Heroes. It's cool, it's fun, and now it has its very own free version. [Read more] | Read more »
Formula Cartoon All-Stars Lets You Race...
Ever want to pit your favorite characters from shows like Steven Universe, Adventure Time, and Regular Show against each other in a not quite death race? Well once upon a time you could, but Formula All Stars Touch N' Go doesn't exist anymore. Hope... | Read more »
Retype - Typography Photo Editor (Photo...
Retype - Typography Photo Editor 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Photography Price: $2.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: Retype is built out of passion for great typography and it's all about adding text to photo with style... | Read more »
Hungry Shark Evolution Celebrates Shark...
Shark Week is almost here, as is Independence Day, so naturally Hungry Shark Evolution is going to get in on the action. Yes, even the fireworks. [Read more] | Read more »
The New Trivia Crack Will Feature a Musi...
It's official: iHeartMedia (you may know them from iHeartRadio) will be in charge of providing music-related questions for Trivia Crack's upcoming sequel. Also Trivia Crack is getting a sequel. [Read more] | Read more »
Toca Life: City (Education)
Toca Life: City 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Education Price: $2.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: Welcome to Toca Life: City, a metropolis filled with everyday fun! Customize characters, explore exciting locations and... | Read more »
Ironkill's Big New Update is Big an...
The other popular robot fighting game on the App Store, Ironkill, has received a pretty substantial update today. We're talking new bots, new rewards, graphical tweaks; the works. [Read more] | Read more »

Price Scanner via MacPrices.net

MacBook Airs on sale for up to $75 off MSRP
Save up to $75 on the purchase of a new 2015 13″ or 11″ 1.6GHz MacBook Air at the following resellers. Shipping is free with each model: 11" 128GB MSRP $899 11" 256GB... Read more
Apple’s Education discount saves up to $300 o...
Purchase a new Mac or iPad at The Apple Store for Education and take up to $300 off MSRP. All teachers, students, and staff of any educational institution qualify for the discount. Shipping is free,... Read more
Save up to $600 with Apple refurbished Mac Pr...
The Apple Store has Apple Certified Refurbished Mac Pros available for up to $600 off the cost of new models. An Apple one-year warranty is included with each Mac Pro, and shipping is free. The... Read more
Mac Pros on sale for up to $260 off MSRP
B&H Photo has Mac Pros on sale for up to $260 off MSRP. Shipping is free, and B&H charges sales tax in NY only: - 3.7GHz 4-core Mac Pro: $2799, $200 off MSRP - 3.5GHz 6-core Mac Pro: $3719.99... Read more
Save up to $400 on 2014 15-inch Retina MacBoo...
B&H Photo has previous-generation 2014 15″ Retina MacBook Pros on sale for up to $400 off original MSRP. Shipping is free, and B&H charges NY sales tax only: - 15″ 2.2GHz Retina MacBook Pro... Read more
15-inch Retina MacBook Pros on sale for up to...
B&H Photo has new 2015 15″ Retina MacBook Pros on sale for up to $125 off MSRP including free shipping plus NY sales tax only: - 15″ 2.2GHz Retina MacBook Pro: $1899.99 $100 off - 15″ 2.5GHz... Read more
College Student Deals: Additional $100 off Ma...
Take an additional $100 off all MacBooks and iMacs at Best Buy Online with their College Students Deals Savings, valid through July 11, 2015. Anyone with a valid .EDU email address can take advantage... Read more
Apple refurbished Time Capsules available for...
The Apple Store has certified refurbished Time Capsules available for $100 off MSRP. Apple’s one-year warranty is included with each Time Capsule, and shipping is free: - 2TB Time Capsule: $199, $100... Read more
Newsweek Launches iPhone App
The venerable weekly news magazine Newsweek, owned by IBT Media, has announced the launch of its first iPhone app. The new app is available through Apple’s App Store and will allow consumers to read... Read more
New Initiative Covering 80 Million Homes Will...
Today, Internet service providers, equipment suppliers and retail equipment manufacturers joined the Consumer Electronics Association (CEA) and the National Cable & Telecommunications Association... Read more

Jobs Board

Architect / Senior Software Engineer, *Apple...
**Job Summary** Apple Pay is already changing our pay-habit in a deeper and fundamental level. We are looking for a software engineer with a passion for large scale inte Read more
Project Manager, *Apple* Retail New Store O...
**Job Summary** An Apple Retail New Store Openings & Remodels Project Manager is responsible for successfully managing the openings, remodels, and small works of Read more
*Apple* Solutions Consultant - Retail Sales...
**Job Summary** As an Apple Solutions Consultant (ASC) you are the link between our customers and our products. Your role is to drive the Apple business in a retail Read more
Program Manger, WW *Apple* Direct Fulfillme...
**Job Summary** We are seeking a business analyst to work within our Worldwide Apple Direct Fulfillment Operations team. This role will work closely with related program Read more
Hardware Design Validation Engineer - *Apple...
**Job Summary** The Apple Watch team is looking for a Hardware Design Validation Engineer. This person will be part of the Apple Watch hardware team with Read more
All contents are Copyright 1984-2011 by Xplain Corporation. All rights reserved. Theme designed by Icreon.