TweetFollow Us on Twitter

Swaine Manor: Apple's Tough Love

Volume Number: 26
Issue Number: 05
Column Tag: Swaine Manor

Swaine Manor: Apple's Tough Love

So a Priest,a Rabbi, and an iPhone Prototype Walk into a Bar...

by Michael Swaine

Tough Love

I'm not one of those nervous nellies who go all frizzy whenever Apple has to slap some blogger's wrist. You know, people like Steve Wozniak (http://news.cnet.com/8301-13579_3-20003384-37.html).

These people just don't understand Apple.

See, Apple loves us. That's why it keeps giving us these magical gifts: the iPad, the iPhone, the iPod, the iPod Sock. Not to mention the eagerly anticipated next version of OS X, code-named Lolcat. No, seriously, we are not to mention it. We're all under universal nondisclosure. Haven't you been reading those license agreements you've been clicking on every time you let Apple install a software update?

I'm just kidding. And if you truly believed in the deep and abiding love Apple has for you, you would have known that. But sometimes Apple has to practice tough love.

So when an engineer left a secret prototype of the next iPhone in a Redwood City bar and a college student found it and sold it to a blogger and the blogger went public with the story, Apple naturally got a little miffed, and naturally called in the California Rapid Enforcement Allied Computer Team and the Redwood City Police.

And this led to some unpleasantness (http://abcnews.go.com/print?id=10523213) about jackbooted Gestapos kicking down a journalist's door and seizing his computer and so on. Not what Apple wanted at all. Because Apple loves us. Apple is sad that it had to be so stern.

Journalism and Dancing

By the way, this story once again raised this whole "is a blogger a journalist?" thing. Let's deal with that.

A lot of bloggers want to be journalists. They think it's a glamorous, noble profession. They think that by being recognized as true journalists they are on their way to a lucrative career. That's right: they think it's a career. They clearly haven't been paying attention to what's been going on in journalism the past few years.

There is a legend that once journalists were brave and noble and stood up to corporations and the government. I'm not saying that was never true. I wouldn't know; as a child of television I can't remember anything that happened over three weeks ago. But clearly this legend has nothing to do with journalism today.

Bloggers, take note. You have more integrity and credibility right now than the average journalist, and if you add one more banner ad to your blog, you'll be making more money, too. Why would you want to be a journalist?

And then there's the Ellen thing (http://news.cnet.com/8301-13579_3-20004186-37.html).

Let's face it: Ellen Degeneris has been pushing it for years, doing her "dancing with the stars" thing without paying royalties to Dancing with the Stars. Now she really went over the edge, making a joke iPhone commercial that suggests that the iPhone user interface might be confusing or hard to use. Excuse me? That's clearly actionable, not to mention a possible human rights crime against potential Apple customers who might be confused by this joke commercial and as a result be denied the joy of iPhone ownership. I love Ellen, but she really messed up here.

It's a good thing that Apple called her on this, for her own good as well as ours. Otherwise you know where she'd have gone next. Yep, she'd have violated Apple's ownership of dancing silhouettes by fiddling with the lighting when she was doing one of those embarassing-the-guest-by-making-them-dance things she does.

Bullet dodged. Thank you Apple, I'm sure Ellen is saying.

Eternally Vigilant

Now I understand that the publishers of iPhone App Development: The Missing Manual are nervous since Apple slapped them with a restraining order until they can determine who took this manual. Not to worry. Redwood City police are on the case, employing the current profile of the Conduit of Stolen Apple Merchandise, derived from The Case of the Phone Left in a Bar. So they're looking for another college student working part time at a church-run community center giving swimming lessons to children after volunteering at a Chinese orphanage.

Or whoever Apple tells them to look for.

An arrest is expected imminently.

Can I just say that I feel a lot more secure now about leaving things in bars? Especially anything with Apple's logo on it. I know Apple's got my back.

I'm sure that in the future Apple will make better use of the GPS and other tracking technology in its devices, so that problems like the missing iPhone prototype can't happen at all. Because they will know exactly where every one of their products is at all times.

So I hope I've made it clear how Apple is looking out for our welfare. Oh, and if all that weren't enough, Apple has provided a business model for the creator of the website founditinabar.com.

Thank you, Apple. We feel the love.


Michael Swaine is the former editor-in-chief of Dr. Dobb’s Journal (http://www.ddj.com) and current editor of PragPub (http:// www.pragprog.com/magazine), the electronic magazine for pragmatic programmers. You can reach him at mike@swaine.com.

 

Community Search:
MacTech Search:

Software Updates via MacUpdate

BBEdit 11.6.6 - Powerful text and HTML e...
BBEdit is the leading professional HTML and text editor for the Mac. Specifically crafted in response to the needs of Web authors and software developers, this award-winning product provides a... Read more
Brackets 1.9.0 - Open Source Web design...
Brackets is an Open-Source editor for Web design and development built on top of Web technologies such as HTML, CSS, and JavaScript. The project was created and is maintained by Adobe, and is... Read more
Audio Hijack 3.3.4 - Record and enhance...
Audio Hijack (was Audio Hijack Pro) drastically changes the way you use audio on your computer, giving you the freedom to listen to audio when you want and how you want. Record and enhance any audio... Read more
Tunnelblick 3.7.1a - GUI for OpenVPN.
Tunnelblick is a free, open source graphic user interface for OpenVPN on OS X. It provides easy control of OpenVPN client and/or server connections. It comes as a ready-to-use application with all... Read more
Amazon Chime 4.3.5721 - Amazon-based com...
Amazon Chime is a communications service that transforms online meetings with a secure, easy-to-use application that you can trust. Amazon Chime works seamlessly across your devices so that you can... Read more
Posterino 3.3.7 - Create posters, collag...
Posterino offers enhanced customization and flexibility including a variety of new, stylish templates featuring grids of identical or odd-sized image boxes. You can customize the size and shape of... Read more
Airmail 3.2.9 - Powerful, minimal email...
Airmail is an mail client with fast performance and intuitive interaction. Support for iCloud, MS Exchange, Gmail, Google Apps, IMAP, POP3, Yahoo!, AOL, Outlook.com, Live.com. Airmail was designed... Read more
Arq 5.8.4 - Online backup to Google Driv...
Arq is super-easy online backup for Mac and Windows computers. Back up to your own cloud account (Amazon Cloud Drive, Google Drive, Dropbox, OneDrive, Google Cloud Storage, any S3-compatible server... Read more
Microsoft Remote Desktop 8.0.39 - Connec...
With Microsoft Remote Desktop, you can connect to a remote PC and your work resources from almost anywhere. Experience the power of Windows with RemoteFX in a Remote Desktop client designed to help... Read more
Arq 5.8.4 - Online backup to Google Driv...
Arq is super-easy online backup for Mac and Windows computers. Back up to your own cloud account (Amazon Cloud Drive, Google Drive, Dropbox, OneDrive, Google Cloud Storage, any S3-compatible server... Read more

Latest Forum Discussions

See All

Pokémon GO might be getting legendaries...
The long-awaited legendary Pokémon may soon be coming to Pokémon GO at long last. Data miners have already discovered that the legendary birds, Articuno, Moltres, and Zapdos are already in the game, it’s just a matter of time. [Read more] | Read more »
The best deals on the App Store this wee...
If you’ve got the Monday blues we have just the thing to cheer you up. The week is shaping up to be a spectacular one for sales. We’ve got a bunch of well-loved indie games at discounted prices this week along with a few that are a little more... | Read more »
Honor 8 Pro, a great choice for gamers
Honor is making strides to bring its brand to the forefront of mobile gaming with its latest phone, the Honor 8 Pro. The Pro sets itself apart from its predecessor, the Honor 8, with a host of premium updates that boost the device’s graphical and... | Read more »
The 4 best outdoor adventure apps
Now that we're well into the pleasant, warmer months, it's time to start making the most of the great outdoors. Spring and summer are ideal times for a bit of trekking or exploration. You don't have to go it alone, though. There are plenty of... | Read more »
Things 3 (Productivity)
Things 3 3.0.1 Device: iOS iPhone Category: Productivity Price: $7.99, Version: 3.0.1 (iTunes) Description: Meet the all-new Things! A complete rethinking of the original, award-winning task manager – with a perfect balance between... | Read more »
Oddball mash-up Arkanoid vs Space Invade...
In a move no one was really expecting, Square Enix has put forth an Arkanoid/Space Invaders mash-up aptly titled Arkanoid vs Space Invaders. The game launched today on both iOS and Android and the reviews are actually quite good. [Read more] | Read more »
Arkanoid vs Space Invaders (Games)
Arkanoid vs Space Invaders 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $3.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: LAUNCH SALE: GET THE GAME AT 20% OFF! Two of the most iconic classic games ever made meet in Arkanoid vs Space... | Read more »
The best new games we played this week
Things got off to a bit of a slow start this week, but as we steadily creep towards Friday a bunch of great games have started cropping up. If you're looking for a quality new release to play this weekend, we've got you covered. Here's a handy... | Read more »
No Stick Shooter (Games)
No Stick Shooter 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $1.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: Happy Robot presents a fresh take on the classic retro-arcade shooters we all know and love. Featuring 30 levels of non-stop... | Read more »
Chroma Squad (Games)
Chroma Squad 1.0.85 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $4.99, Version: 1.0.85 (iTunes) Description: | Read more »

Price Scanner via MacPrices.net

touchbyte Releases PhotoSync 3.2 for iOS With...
Hamburg, Germany based touchbyte has announced the release of PhotoSync 3.2 for iOS, a major upgrade to the versatile and powerful app to transfer, backup and share photos and videos over the air.... Read more
Emerson Adds Touchscreen Display and Apple Ho...
Emerson has announced the next evolution of its nationally recognized smart thermostat. The new Sensi Touch Wi-Fi Thermostat combines proven smarthome technology with a color touchscreen display and... Read more
SurfPro VPN for Mac Protects Data While Offer...
XwaveSoft has announced announce the release and immediate availability of SurfPro VPN 1.0, their secure VPN client for macOS. SurfPro VPN allows Mac users to protect their internet traffic from... Read more
13-inch Touch Bar MacBook Pros on sale for $1...
B&H Photo has 13″ MacBook Pros in stock today for up to $150 off MSRP. Shipping is free, and B&H charges NY & NJ sales tax only: - 13″ 2.9GHz/512GB Touch Bar MacBook Pro Space Gray (... Read more
Tuesday deal: $200 off 27-inch Apple iMacs
Amazon has select 27″ iMacs on sale for $200 off MSRP, each including free shipping: - 27″ 3.3GHz iMac 5K: $2099 $200 off MSRP - 27″ 3.2GHz/1TB Fusion iMac 5K: $1799 $200 off MSRP Keep an eye on our... Read more
Five To Six Million 10.5-inch iPad Pro Tablet...
Digitimes’ Siu Han and Joseph Tsai report that upstream supply chain shipments for Apple’s new 10.5-inch iPad Pro have been increasing, with monthly shipment volume expected to hit 600,000 units by... Read more
Georgia Tech Students Win Toyota and Net Impa...
Earlier this year, a team of students at Georgia Tech realized that there was a critical gap in transportation services for people who use wheelchairs, and wondered if the solution could be in the... Read more
13-inch 2.0GHz Space Gray MacBook Pro on sale...
Amazon has the 13″ 2.0GHz Space Gray non-Touch Bar MacBook Pro (MLL42LL/A) on sale for $1299.99 including free shipping. Their price is $200 off MSRP, and it’s currently the lowest price available... Read more
Roundup of 15-inch MacBook Pro sale prices, m...
B&H Photo has the new 2016 15″ Apple Touch Bar MacBook Pros in stock today and on sale for up to $200 off MSRP. Shipping is free, and B&H charges NY & NJ sales tax only: - 15″ 2.7GHz... Read more
15-inch 2.2GHz Retina MacBook Pro on sale for...
B&H Photo has the 2015 15″ 2.2GHz Retina MacBook Pro (MJLQ2LL/A) on sale for $1849 including free shipping plus NY & NJ sales tax only. Their price is $150 off MSRP. Read more

Jobs Board

*Apple* Media Products - Commerce Engineerin...
Apple Media Products - Commerce Engineering Manager Job Number: 57037480 Santa Clara Valley, California, United States Posted: Apr. 18, 2017 Weekly Hours: 40.00 Job Read more
Director *Apple* Platform, IS Data Manageme...
…a real difference. Come, shine with us! Astellas is announcing a Director Apple Platform, IS Data Management Lead opportunity in Northbrook, IL. Purpose & Scope: Read more
Director *Apple* ERP Integration Lead - Ast...
…make a real difference. Come, shine with us! Astellas is announcing a Director Apple ERP Integration Lead opportunity in Northbrook, IL. Purpose & Scope: This role Read more
Associate Director *Apple* Platform -- SAP...
…real difference. Come, shine with us! Astellas is announcing a Associate Director Apple Platform -- SAP Security, Risks and Controls Lead opportunity in Northbrook, Read more
Geek Squad *Apple* Master Consultation Agen...
**508241BR** **Job Title:** Geek Squad Apple Master Consultation Agent **Location Number:** 000149-Towson-Store **Job Description:** **What does a Geek Squad Read more
All contents are Copyright 1984-2011 by Xplain Corporation. All rights reserved. Theme designed by Icreon.