TweetFollow Us on Twitter

Swaine Manor: Apple's Tough Love

Volume Number: 26
Issue Number: 05
Column Tag: Swaine Manor

Swaine Manor: Apple's Tough Love

So a Priest,a Rabbi, and an iPhone Prototype Walk into a Bar...

by Michael Swaine

Tough Love

I'm not one of those nervous nellies who go all frizzy whenever Apple has to slap some blogger's wrist. You know, people like Steve Wozniak (http://news.cnet.com/8301-13579_3-20003384-37.html).

These people just don't understand Apple.

See, Apple loves us. That's why it keeps giving us these magical gifts: the iPad, the iPhone, the iPod, the iPod Sock. Not to mention the eagerly anticipated next version of OS X, code-named Lolcat. No, seriously, we are not to mention it. We're all under universal nondisclosure. Haven't you been reading those license agreements you've been clicking on every time you let Apple install a software update?

I'm just kidding. And if you truly believed in the deep and abiding love Apple has for you, you would have known that. But sometimes Apple has to practice tough love.

So when an engineer left a secret prototype of the next iPhone in a Redwood City bar and a college student found it and sold it to a blogger and the blogger went public with the story, Apple naturally got a little miffed, and naturally called in the California Rapid Enforcement Allied Computer Team and the Redwood City Police.

And this led to some unpleasantness (http://abcnews.go.com/print?id=10523213) about jackbooted Gestapos kicking down a journalist's door and seizing his computer and so on. Not what Apple wanted at all. Because Apple loves us. Apple is sad that it had to be so stern.

Journalism and Dancing

By the way, this story once again raised this whole "is a blogger a journalist?" thing. Let's deal with that.

A lot of bloggers want to be journalists. They think it's a glamorous, noble profession. They think that by being recognized as true journalists they are on their way to a lucrative career. That's right: they think it's a career. They clearly haven't been paying attention to what's been going on in journalism the past few years.

There is a legend that once journalists were brave and noble and stood up to corporations and the government. I'm not saying that was never true. I wouldn't know; as a child of television I can't remember anything that happened over three weeks ago. But clearly this legend has nothing to do with journalism today.

Bloggers, take note. You have more integrity and credibility right now than the average journalist, and if you add one more banner ad to your blog, you'll be making more money, too. Why would you want to be a journalist?

And then there's the Ellen thing (http://news.cnet.com/8301-13579_3-20004186-37.html).

Let's face it: Ellen Degeneris has been pushing it for years, doing her "dancing with the stars" thing without paying royalties to Dancing with the Stars. Now she really went over the edge, making a joke iPhone commercial that suggests that the iPhone user interface might be confusing or hard to use. Excuse me? That's clearly actionable, not to mention a possible human rights crime against potential Apple customers who might be confused by this joke commercial and as a result be denied the joy of iPhone ownership. I love Ellen, but she really messed up here.

It's a good thing that Apple called her on this, for her own good as well as ours. Otherwise you know where she'd have gone next. Yep, she'd have violated Apple's ownership of dancing silhouettes by fiddling with the lighting when she was doing one of those embarassing-the-guest-by-making-them-dance things she does.

Bullet dodged. Thank you Apple, I'm sure Ellen is saying.

Eternally Vigilant

Now I understand that the publishers of iPhone App Development: The Missing Manual are nervous since Apple slapped them with a restraining order until they can determine who took this manual. Not to worry. Redwood City police are on the case, employing the current profile of the Conduit of Stolen Apple Merchandise, derived from The Case of the Phone Left in a Bar. So they're looking for another college student working part time at a church-run community center giving swimming lessons to children after volunteering at a Chinese orphanage.

Or whoever Apple tells them to look for.

An arrest is expected imminently.

Can I just say that I feel a lot more secure now about leaving things in bars? Especially anything with Apple's logo on it. I know Apple's got my back.

I'm sure that in the future Apple will make better use of the GPS and other tracking technology in its devices, so that problems like the missing iPhone prototype can't happen at all. Because they will know exactly where every one of their products is at all times.

So I hope I've made it clear how Apple is looking out for our welfare. Oh, and if all that weren't enough, Apple has provided a business model for the creator of the website founditinabar.com.

Thank you, Apple. We feel the love.


Michael Swaine is the former editor-in-chief of Dr. Dobb’s Journal (http://www.ddj.com) and current editor of PragPub (http:// www.pragprog.com/magazine), the electronic magazine for pragmatic programmers. You can reach him at mike@swaine.com.

 
AAPL
$104.85
Apple Inc.
+1.86
MSFT
$44.99
Microsoft Corpora
+0.61
GOOG
$545.04
Google Inc.
+12.33

MacTech Search:
Community Search:

Software Updates via MacUpdate

Art Text 2.4.8 - Create high quality hea...
Art Text is an OS X application for creating high quality textual graphics, headings, logos, icons, Web site elements, and buttons. Thanks to multi-layer support, creating complex graphics is no... Read more
Live Interior 3D Pro 2.9.6 - Powerful an...
Live Interior 3D Pro is a powerful yet very intuitive interior designing application. View Video Tutorials It has every feature of Live Interior 3D Standard, plus some exclusive ones: Create multi... Read more
The Hit List 1.1.7 - Advanced reminder a...
The Hit List manages the daily chaos of your modern life. It's easy to learn - it's as easy as making lists. And it's powerful enough to let you plan, then forget, then act when the time is right.... Read more
jAlbum Pro 12.2.4 - Organize your digita...
jAlbum Pro has all the features you love in jAlbum, but comes with a commercial license. With jAlbum, you can create gorgeous custom photo galleries for the Web without writing a line of code!... Read more
jAlbum 12.2.4 - Create custom photo gall...
With jAlbum, you can create gorgeous custom photo galleries for the Web without writing a line of code! Beginner-friendly, with pro results Simply drag and drop photos into groups, choose a design... Read more
ExpanDrive 4.1.7 - Access remote files o...
ExpanDrive builds cloud storage in every application, acts just like a USB drive plugged into your Mac. With ExpanDrive, you can securely access any remote file server directly from the Finder or... Read more
OmniOutliner Pro 4.1.3 - Pro version of...
OmniOutliner Pro is a flexible program for creating, collecting, and organizing information. Give your creativity a kick start by using an application that's actually designed to help you think. It'... Read more
Evernote 5.6.2 - Create searchable notes...
Evernote allows you to easily capture information in any environment using whatever device or platform you find most convenient, and makes this information accessible and searchable at anytime, from... Read more
OmniOutliner 4.1.3 - Organize your ideas...
OmniOutliner is a flexible program for creating, collecting, and organizing information. Give your creativity a kick start by using an application that's actually designed to help you think. It's... Read more
BBEdit 11.0 - Powerful text and HTML edi...
BBEdit is the leading professional HTML and text editor for the Mac. Specifically crafted in response to the needs of Web authors and software developers, this award-winning product provides a... Read more

Latest Forum Discussions

See All

Sleep Attack TD Review
Sleep Attack TD Review By Jennifer Allen on October 23rd, 2014 Our Rating: :: A TRUE TWISTUniversal App - Designed for iPhone and iPad Sleep Attack TD is a tower defense game with a difference – you can rotate the layout – and it’s... | Read more »
Earn Your Master Camper Badge in Camp Po...
Earn Your Master Camper Badge in Camp Pokemon Posted by Jessica Fisher on October 23rd, 2014 [ permalink ] Universal App - Designed for iPhone and iPad | Read more »
Garruk Gets His Revenge in a New Magic 2...
Garruk Gets His Revenge in a New Magic 2015 Expansion, Coming This November Posted by Jessica Fisher on October 23rd, 2014 [ permalink ] | Read more »
Sentinels of the Multiverse Review
Sentinels of the Multiverse Review By Rob Thomas on October 23rd, 2014 Our Rating: :: SENTINELS ASSEMBLEiPad Only App - Designed for the iPad Greater Than Games’ tabletop classic, Sentinels of the Multiverse swoops in to save the... | Read more »
Build Your Own Fantasy Football Dynasty...
Build Your Own Fantasy Football Dynasty with Draft Day Posted by Jessica Fisher on October 23rd, 2014 [ permalink ] Universal App - Designed for iPhone and iPad | Read more »
Cars: Fast as Lightning – Tips, Tricks,...
Hey there, Stickers: Want to know all about how impressed we were with Radiator Springs? Check out our Cars: Fast as Lightning review! Cars: Fast as Lightning is a cute and fun app that combines racing and town-building with the charisma and... | Read more »
Jam Messenger Review
Jam Messenger Review By Jennifer Allen on October 23rd, 2014 Our Rating: :: SIMPLE MESSAGINGiPhone App - Designed for the iPhone, compatible with the iPad Want a very quick way to send push-based messages? Jam Messenger is basic... | Read more »
Felllice (Games)
Felllice 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: EXCLUSIVE PRICE DROP! 50% OFF FOR A LIMITED TIME! EAT EAT EAT AND GROW ! | Read more »
The Arrow Game: by Grazie Media (Games)
The Arrow Game: by Grazie Media 1.0 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $.99, Version: 1.0 (iTunes) Description: Guide a flying arrow through skyscrapers and city streets to hit a distant target. Experience an endless... | Read more »
Worldly (Games)
Worldly 1.2 Device: iOS Universal Category: Games Price: $2.99, Version: 1.2 (iTunes) Description: | Read more »

Price Scanner via MacPrices.net

Save up to $125 on Retina MacBook Pros
B&H Photo has the new 2014 13″ and 15″ Retina MacBook Pros on sale for up to $125 off MSRP. Shipping is free, and B&H charges NY sales tax only. They’ll also include free copies of Parallels... Read more
Apple refurbished Time Capsules available sta...
The Apple Store has certified refurbished Time Capsules available for up to $60 off MSRP. Apple’s one-year warranty is included with each Time Capsule, and shipping is free: - 2TB Time Capsule: $255... Read more
Textilus New Word, Notes and PDF Processor fo...
Textilus is new word-crunching, notes, and PDF processor designed exclusively for the iPad. I haven’t had time to thoroughly check it out yet, but it looks great and early reviews are positive.... Read more
WD My Passport Pro Bus-Powered Thunderbolt RA...
WD’s My Passport Pro RAID solution is powered by an integrated Thunderbolt cable for true portability and speeds as high as 233 MB/s. HighlightsOverviewSpecifications Transfer, Back Up And Edit In... Read more
Save with Best Buy’s College Student Deals
Take an additional $50 off all MacBooks and iMacs at Best Buy Online with their College Students Deals Savings, valid through November 1st. Anyone with a valid .EDU email address can take advantage... Read more
iPad Air 2 & iPad mini 3 Best Tablets Yet...
The new iPads turned out to be pretty much everything I’d been hoping for and more than I’d expected.”More” particularly in terms of a drinking-from-a-firehose choice of models and configurations,... Read more
Drafts 4 Reinvents iOS Productivity App
N Richland Hills, Texas based Agile Tortoise has announced the release of Drafts 4 for iPhone and iPad. Drafts is a quick capture note taking app with flexible output actions. Drafts 4 scales from... Read more
AT&T accepting preorders for new iPads fo...
AT&T Wireless is accepting preorders for the new iPad Air 2 and iPad mini 3, cellular models, for $100 off MSRP with a 2-year service agreement: - 16GB iPad Air 2 WiFi + Cellular: $529.99 - 64GB... Read more
Apple offering refurbished Mac Pros for up to...
The Apple Store is offering Apple Certified Refurbished 2013 Mac Pros for up to $600 off the cost of new models. An Apple one-year warranty is included with each Mac Pro, and shipping is free. The... Read more
Select MacBook Airs $100 off MSRP, free shipp...
B&H Photo has 2014 a couple of MacBook Airs on sale for $100 off MSRP. Shipping is free, and B&H charges NY sales tax only. They also include free copies of Parallels Desktop and LoJack for... Read more

Jobs Board

Senior Event Manager, *Apple* Retail Market...
…This senior level position is responsible for leading and imagining the Apple Retail Team's global event strategy. Delivering an overarching brand story; in-store, Read more
*Apple* Solutions Consultant (ASC) - Apple (...
**Job Summary** The ASC is an Apple employee who serves as an Apple brand ambassador and influencer in a Reseller's store. The ASC's role is to grow Apple Read more
Project Manager / Business Analyst, WW *Appl...
…a senior project manager / business analyst to work within our Worldwide Apple Fulfillment Operations and the Business Process Re-engineering team. This role will work Read more
*Apple* Retail - Multiple Positions (US) - A...
Job Description: Sales Specialist - Retail Customer Service and Sales Transform Apple Store visitors into loyal Apple customers. When customers enter the store, Read more
Position Opening at *Apple* - Apple (United...
…customers purchase our products, you're the one who helps them get more out of their new Apple technology. Your day in the Apple Store is filled with a range of Read more
All contents are Copyright 1984-2011 by Xplain Corporation. All rights reserved. Theme designed by Icreon.