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Mac Gift Guide
Volume Number:12
Issue Number:4
Column Tag:April Foolery

Programmer’s Buying Guide

The perfect gifts for the developer in your life

By Jeremy Smith

Though the holiday season has come and gone, many Macintosh programmers are still without some of the development treats they were hoping for this year. Blame it on oversight, blame it on human error, blame it on Microsoft, but you or the programmer in your life is doubtless still lacking.

Well, lack no longer. For your shopping pleasure, I’ve compiled a list of the very best in developer gifts. Some are a bit tough to find, however, so start shopping now. Remember, you’ve only got 247 shopping days until Christmas.

Inside Macintosh: On Tape
Addison-Wesley - $6,499.99

All your favorites from the Inside Macintosh series are now available on cassette tapes for your audio pleasure! Listen to Toolbox Essentials in the car, QuickTime Components at work, and the ever-popular Designing Cards and Drivers for the Macintosh Family while you’re hacking around the house. The depth of the Inside Macintosh series means the tapes number in the thousands, so get ready for long, long hours of fun! Series narrator: Patrick “Jean-Luc Picard” Stewart.

Jolt Cola Implants Norplant - $69.99

Jolt Cola Implants combine the power of Jolt with the longevity of skin implants for the programmer who doesn’t want to sleep - or even have a moment of calm reflection - for weeks at a time. Each implant lasts for over a month of debugging fun and comes with its own lengthy legal disclaimer. Married programmers considering the implant should consult either a marriage counselor or divorce lawyer before using.

Metrotec Codepacifist White Diamond
Symantrowerks - $25,000

Metrotec Codepacifist White Diamond is the ideal gift for the developer who has it all. Supporting every programming language known to man (ALGOL fans, this means you!), White Diamond compiles under everything from BeBox to X-Windows. Software is updated every thirty seconds via the Internet, and each White Diamond purchase comes with its own 16 gigabyte disc array. Be the first on your block to own the White Diamond!

MacsbugOS Apple Computer, Inc. - $0.99

Do you resent Calculator’s inability to multiply A9 by C2? Do you use stack crawls to proofread your work? Do you yearn for command-line input whenever you’re stuck in the Finder? If you answered “Yes! Yes!” to any of the above, MacsbugOS is the operating system for you. The first operating system since MS-DOS designed without an interface from the ground up, MacsbugOS is for anyone who’s ever looked forward to debugging.

Life 1.0 God - priceless

With just one copy of Life 1.0, you’ll be able to go outside in daylight, talk to other human beings, and even turn off your Mac for minutes on end. Not for the faint of heart, Life 1.0 is scarier than Marathon 2, buggier than Windows 95, and bigger than Word 6. From the maker of each and every thing in existence, Life 1.0 is something no Macintosh programmer should be without. Warning: Life 1.0 is just out of beta, so use with caution!

 
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